My Last Breath
by Lysha
Summary: Songfic. 'My Last Breath' by Evanescence. Spoiler warning! When Ren is struck down by followers of Hao, Horohoro sees his world fall away before him. RenxHoro


**Warning: **There may be spoilers here for some of you.

**Author's Note: **This songfic is set during the time Ren 'dies' during the anime/manga. Yeah yeah, I know he comes back to life and all, but let's say for a moment that he didn't. This is my rewritten version of events. Enjoy, and please leave a review if you can!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Shaman King, or any related characters. I don't own the song 'My Last Breath' either, which is a song by Evanescence. If you haven't heard it already, I suggest you do!

**Dedication: **To my Ren plush XD**

* * *

**

**My Last Breath**

The air must have stagnated as he fell – thrown thirty feet into the air, only to be brought down, with a terrified cry, to the ground, as if everything was in slow motion. His cry lasted until his body collided with the ground – then it ceased, abruptly.

Horo had been unable to do a thing as Ren took the attack and was tossed aside like a rag doll. All Horo could do was watch him with widened and panicked eyes.

That should have been him, not Ren…

Bason's almighty roar of agony ripped through the air as he laid eyes on his master – lying on the ground as though asleep, limbs twisted at odd angles… Horo felt his mind reel as he realised that Ren didn't seem to be breathing.

Within a second, Horo was at his side, stumbling over himself in his haste to get there. He fell to his knees beside Ren, sending up a cloud of sand as his knees hit the dusty floor. His fingers grasped Ren's shoulders desperately, calling out, "Ren… Ren!"

Surely… surely Ren hadn't gone down that easily? He was a fighter to the end – Horo knew that much. But these guys, the guys they were fighting; they had Hao's Oversoul. By some strange twist of events, Hao had somehow _shared _his Oversoul with his followers, giving them more power than they could handle. They had already seen one follower of Hao's _destroyed_ by the sheer amount of Oversoul that ran through him. But one of these lackeys had aimed an attack right at Horo – one that caught him off-guard and could have finished him… until Ren jumped in the way, blocking the blow with his kwan dao. It was then that the huge skeletal spirit took a swing at Ren out of nowhere with its enormous sword, cutting him down effortlessly…

Horo closed his eyes tightly, desperate not to imagine seeing the blow happen all over again in his mind. His hands gripped tighter still on Ren's shoulders. "Ren… you can't be…"

There was so much Horo had yet to tell him… Ren, his _love…_ He couldn't die yet, at least, not without knowing. Horo cursed himself silently. He should have told him sooner… why was he so stubborn like this? Within his heart, he held confessions so deep, dark and true. He had longed to tell Ren of these convictions for what seemed like an eternity. Now was he cursed never to tell Ren of the way he felt?

He held him still, frozen there is his thoughts, not wanting to believe that it was true, that Ren really was… gone…

The sound of a sharp intake of breath made him open his eyes. He looked down upon Ren's still face to see his eyes slowly opening too.

_Hold on to me, love,  
__You know I can't stay long_

"Ren…?" he breathed once more.

Ren's face was tormented by pain and what seemed like sorrow. Despite it all, he gave Horo a weak, brief smile. "Horo…" he murmured.

"You're still alive!" Horo exclaimed, heart pounding. "You're really okay! Don't worry about it, I'll –"

He was cut short by Ren shaking his head slowly, solemnly. "I won't be here much longer..."

"What are you saying? Of course you will! You're alive, and that's all that's important now. Don't worry about a thing, I'm sure we can help you," Horo said, trying to reassure him. His mind wasn't registering what Ren was saying – didn't want to, in fact.

Ren didn't answer, his face just torn with agony.

Horo watched him, unable to take it. He put an arm around Ren's shoulder, another around his freezing body, holding him close. "Just hang in there…"

_All I wanted to say was I love you,  
__And I'm not afraid_

"It's alright. I was ready for this day," Ren said, forcing another smile on to his face to comfort Horo. "Death is inevitable to us all, eventually."

"Don't say that!" Horo said, anger boiling up inside of him. He didn't know who to blame for this situation – himself for being so weak that he couldn't defend himself; Ren for taking the attack instead of him; Hao for this whole crazy mess beginning anyway…?

"You're not going to die!"

"Horo, I'm almost there already. It won't be long now. Don't worry; I'm not afraid of death at all. Maybe… it is a relief for me." Ren said, weakly.

"Why…?"

"Having to live with this is a lot harder than facing death."

"What are you talking about!" Horo said, almost angry with Ren for even saying such a thing. How could Ren dream of leaving him here alone?

"These thoughts… these feelings inside my head…" Ren said, more signs of sorrow shooting through his eyes once more. "Maybe death is the only way to escape them. I'm ready for anything."

"I still… don't understand…" Horo half-sobbed as his anger resided to be replaced with an utter empty sorrow, and nothing more.

Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your arms? 

"You can… hear me, can't you? I am here telling you this? I'm not just dreaming?" Ren asked, his skin reaching new levels of cold against Horo's touch.

Horo shook his head, staring with disbelief into Ren's empty eyes. "Yes, I can hear you. You're here. It's all… going to be okay."

"Yes, it will be," Ren's eyes opened and closed slowly – even that looked like it took a lot of effort.

_Holding my last breath,  
__Safe inside myself,  
__Are all my thoughts of you,  
__Sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight_

The moment had stolen from Horo one thing – so anguished by the whole situation, he hadn't realised that he had never before been this close to Ren. He held him so close that Ren's face was barely an inch from his own. His arms were wrapped around him tightly, as though he never intended to let go. Horo hadn't even realised that having Ren's face so close to his own, he should have been able to feel Ren's breath against his cheek – a feeling which never came.

Horo wanted to say these things that were racing circles around his mind, but they wouldn't slow down long enough for him to catch them and form them into words. He wondered if he should give up on telling Ren altogether, as he gazed down tearfully on to Ren's still face.

_I know you hear me,  
__I can taste it in your tears_

Horo's silent tears began to slide hopelessly down his face. He couldn't fight them off anymore – it was impossible. His sorrowful heart had to let out its cry somehow; tears were its only outlet.

A single tear dripped from Horo's face and landed, elegantly, on to Ren's lips. At the touch, another small smile crossed his face. "You really can hear me…"

"Of course I can," Horo wept, his voice wavering with tears.

_Holding my last breath,  
__Safe inside myself,  
__Are all my thoughts of you,  
__Sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight_

Ren didn't dare draw another breath, just in case it was his last. There were some things he would not leave unfinished. He looked at Horo, blurry through his weakened vision. He saw the tears forming in Horo's eyes, felt his pain, so much more than the physical blow Ren himself had taken earlier.

Ren knew he could not drag this out much longer. What had to be done, must be done, he thought to himself, edges of his mind blurring into nothingness. He cared about nothing anymore – only Horo concerned him now.

_Closing your eyes to disappear,  
__You pray your dreams will leave you here_

An injured smile still betraying his face, Ren closed his eyes one final time, ready for whatever should take him now.

Horo saw the deliberation of Ren's eyes ringing true to him. His mind erupted in a frenzy. "No! You can't be-! You can't just – please, Ren…" he begged, one last plead.

_But still you wake and know the truth,  
__No one's there_

When no reply came, Horo's eyes also snapped shut as tears began to stream – unstoppable now – from beneath his eyelids. _This wasn't happening… _no matter what he thought, this didn't seem real. _He should have told Ren_…. and still, he found no strength to do so, all energy and emotion sapped away. _It should have been him… _that blow was meant for _him_. Ren had ended up this way… protecting _him._

A comforting touch brushed Horo's cheek – someone's hand. He had given up now – he didn't even open his eyes to see whose touch it was.

He felt the person's hand gently push his head towards Ren's face. He could feel Ren's lips beside his ear.

_Say goodnight,  
__Don't be afraid_

"I love you…"

Horo opened his eyes sharply as he heard that whisper, in time to see Ren's hand falling from the side of Horo's face until his arm fell, limp, to his side, brushing the desert ground.

Horo stared at Ren's frozen face – eyes closed, features blank and smile stolen. Horo's hand pressed tighter against his skin, his heartbeat no more.

_Calling me, calling me as you fade to black_

Horo choked, a fresh wave of tears now over-coming him. He had heard Ren's words perfectly – but now he was gone, those three words there to torment him for as long as he lived:

_I love you._

"Ren…"

* * *

Emily Nash-Medlyn (Lysha) 

Friday 23rd September 2005


End file.
